I need a baby!

After loosing Ligaya I felt so empty. My arms physically ached for a baby, so, with a deep breath we jumped in again. Soon I had morning sickness again and I was sick of being sick. I felt it was so unfair that I would have to go through again. I did all the work and I should have a baby! I knew that the baby would not be a replacement and I didn't want that, I wanted my baby.
Needless to say the pregnancy felt long and emotional. I clearly remember the day we got an ultra sound and found out we were having a girl. I almost started crying right there in the office. I was so afraid that she would die because she was a girl. I was scared I would have to go through the same thing again.
I was watched very closely by my doctor. I went in for not stress test for the baby bi-weekly during the last 6 weeks. They would do an ultra sound to measure the fluid around the baby and then the would have me do kick counts and monitor how many contraction if any I was having. I wanted to have the baby so bad. I felt like my body kills babies, She will have a better chance if she just comes out early. I would get my hopes up every time that they would say, "O.K. you need to get this baby out."
They never did and my doctor was patient very too. I began to feel like I would be prego forever. One day at a non stress test the nurse told me that the water level around the baby was much lower than it was earlier in the week and I needed to tell my doctor. I was not due for a few weeks so I thought, "He won't care." My brother in law, Donny, had just gotten home from his mission in Russia and was coming to visit. He was scheduled to arrive that evening. So when I go home I began making bread and a batch of my famous cinnamon rolls. While the bread was rising I called my doctor to let him know what the nurse said. He told me he wanted to see me. CRAP my bread! Well maybe I could make it fast and be back in time to put it in the oven.
Once at the doctor's office he checked me and told me to go directly to the hospital that baby need to come out. Apparently the lack of fluid made him nervous. Back to the hospital! I had to be induced and I was very excited. They got me going and everything went smoothly. Eventually I wanted an epidural but by then it was to late. A few contractions later it was time to push. My doctor was not there but I had nothing to stop the pain and when I realized that the pain went away when I pushed there was no stopping me. The nurse did a great job of catching and together we did it!
My nurse laid a beautiful screaming baby girl on me with a towel. I began rubbing her dry and enjoyed how she moved and screamed. The soon took her and cleaned her up. They brought her back and we fed her. She was disappointed that milk did not just flow into her mouth but after a bit she was content. I couldn't have been happier. I got to put my finger in her hand while those tiny finger curled around mine. I got to touch her soft head and smell that sweet baby smell. All of this one year and 2 weeks after we lost Ligaya. It was wonderful. I had a baby and she was healthy.
We named her Penelope Belle Ross. She filled our lives with joy. Poor Perry felt left out but he would fix that. And that is fotter for my next entry!
The most surprising thing for me was that my arms still physically ached to hold Ligaya and they still do. Even if I am cuddling one of my babies. I think they always will until that beautiful day when I get her back.