Some one recommended that I share my philosophy on the preexistence with every one so here goes.
There is a section of heaven where they keep all the spirits waiting to come to earth to get bodies. Our Heavenly Father likes order, He even says that he prefers a "house of order." D&C 88:119 So here is how I picture that ever shrinking section of heaven which is, even now, home to so many prebody spirits.
Bins, three bins to be specific. The first bin is the oldest child bin. If we were to take a step inside this bin we would see stalwart spirits. They would be studding their scriptures, teaching and attending classes on how to prepare for earth life, and discussing how to get from birth to death with their hand fixed to the iron rod.
The next bin is for middle children only. These people don't feel study is necessary, after all they are going to forget everything when they pass through the vail any way...Right? This is a carefree relaxed environment, pretty much anything goes. However, were we standing among these spirits right now we would notice one thing, how hard every little spirit is try to stand out. No one wants to blend in and get lost in the crowd, creativity is their song. Nearly every action is a plea to be seen. Indeed this is a fun bin or at least very entertaining.
The last bin is way off on its own where those spirits can't bug any one, especially the oldest child bin. It is by far the rowdiest bin there is because it is full of the last child for every family. I affectionately call them the Cappers, once you get one of these you will not want any more. I believe the Heaven works very hard to keep these little guys in their bin to preserve the before mentioned order. Cappers are the most unruly bunch, guaranteed to keep you on your toes. The bin of cappers is always full or at least it feels that way. When I think of the capper bin I think of my high school science teacher talking about excited molecules in some foaming chemical reaction, they are just pingin' all over the place. If you are preparing to have a family and think that you can avoid having a capper, you can't. Heaven is trying to unload them. They can and do come as only children, a word of caution, don't try to only have one child because you will get the most amazing capper.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Rough stuff
We have had some tough stuff here recently. Perrin my oldest has been struggling with school since about 1st grade. He has had a hard time understanding what is being taught. In Utah the teachers were very patient and he was able to get extra help. He was often removed from the class to get the extra help he needed. Still I was positive that he was just a little slow and he would eventually get it. Things would click and everything would work out. That was the way it was for me. I needed extra help until one day I understood what they wanted and poof my education took off from there. When we moved from Utah to Texas three big things happened. First, Perrin was now in 3rd grade. This is a pivotal year, school goes from mostly fun and games to real work. Second, the Texas schools required so much more from there students than Utah. And third, Perrin was dealing with leaving all of his friends and everything he new and loved. He was dropped into a very different place, everything changed for him except his family. Naturally with all of this Casey and I expected things to not go well with school and we were right. He almost did not pass 3rd grade. We had high hopes for 4th grade. We were all settled in to our home and community. Perrin has loads of friends and we worked very hard to have a great relationship with his teachers. He got a father's blessing before school started and we felt ready to take on the year. Less than one month in to the new school year I was meeting with his teachers because Perrin was struggling already. We began working through his homework one on one at home. We talked with him about how important it is to be focused at school and how a good education will take you far. We tried everything we could think of. We really worked with him. Just before Christmas we filled out a Connor’s report. This is a paper that asks questions to determine is someone has or potentially has ADD or ADHD. People have hinted for years that Perrin "might" have ADD or ADHD. It really bothered me. I grew up hearing stories about children who had ADD and were medicated and how bad it was, how doctors and parents are looking for an easy way out. Children are over medicated because parents and doctors don't want to do the work that is required of a good parent. I was so determined to be a good parent. "NO WAY was I going to medicate my child. I just needed to be more patient and he will catch on, " or so I thought. Just before Christmas we also bought Perrin a DSi and told him if he could get an A in math, his weakest subject, than he could have the DSi. He took this very seriously and asked his teacher to tutor him after school. He was putting in all of his effort and it was easy to see just watching him. We let thing play out. We continued working with him at home and he worked so hard at school. Now he began experiencing so much disappointment. He would come home from school with a report card so excited to look at it, all the while saying, "I know my grades are going up. I can feel it. I am giving 100%. Open it I can't wait to see how good I am doing." When we opened it what did we see? Oh no, his grades were all going down. Then I would hold Perry while he cried. It was a heart breaking time.Finally Perrin took a practice TAKS test. It is the standised testing for Texas. He scored a 31% on it. His teachers were so concerned and they got a hold of me and we got together. At that meeting Casey and I decided we needed to consider the idea that he may need to see a doctor. After the meeting we prayed and got an immediate answer. We needed to take him to a doctor. So that next Monday which happened to be the first day of spring break Casey took Perrin in to our family doctor. The doctor looked at the Connor's report, notes the teachers had written and some of his school work. She talked to Perrin and did some blood test. Then she determined that he needed to be on some medication for ADD.Casey and I felt good about this so I went out and bought it and he started taking it on Tuesday. He was so emotional the first few day. He cried a lot and wanted to be close to me all the time. It was so nice! But I knew he couldn't function that way and I knew that if he didn't improve we would have to take him back to the doctor and try again. By Thursday he was happy again and things were starting to go better and by Friday things were better than they had ever been before. It was the last day of spring break and I was letting the kids have a veg-out day. In the morning I was cleaning the house and after lunch Perrin told me how grateful he was that I was taking care of him and his sisters. He also told me he wanted to help by cleaning the toy room. I knew this was something that was hard for him. When I ask him to clean his room for example I give him a paper that says thing like, "pick up all the blue things, or put away all the shoes." If I don't than he just can't do it. Well I decided to let him try on his own. I checked on him after he had been at it for a half hour or so and I was going to help him finish but to my surprise he was doing great. He was even organizing! I let him finish on his own. He vacuumed, rolled up the rug, and swept. It was amazing!School has also improved. He is one of the first five done and does not miss very many. In the last two weeks his math grade has come up 10% All of his grades have improved. He even scored the highest in the class on a math assignment! Did the medication change his personality? Yes, he is no longer a frustrated and angry little guy. He is happier and more loving than he has ever been. He is more confident and out going. Being his mom has been more fun these last four weeks. I am so glad that we did this. It happened at the right time and was the right decision for our family.
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Here we are together
It was kind of a rush but I really wanted this to be all caught up so I could pick up where life is now and I have done it! I hope to fill in gaps as I reflect back on our life events but for now I am satisfied. I hope that future post will be fun and entertaining. I hope we can cry together and laugh together and grow together. Enjoy!
And bringing up the tail end........
It took 5 months to try to have another baby. But we finally felt we could try again. And of course we were pregnant right away. Casey and I use to joke about not using one another's towles , washing undies together, or even standing down wind, for fear of getting pregnant unexpectedly. An old cowboy once told us he new the best birth control. It was orange juice.... before, after, and instead of.
This pregnancy was different because Perry was in school and every one had so many needs. Life was hard. I didn't have time to sleep next to the toilet so I could barf easy. I needed to be up and doing and being a mom. With every day I took comfort that this was the last, Heavenly Father told me so and I was thankful. I felt that Perry was doing worse in school and I could not help him like he needed. Penny needed me to read to her and play with her and I just could not do it. Minnie on the other had was still young enough to demand the attention she needed by getting in to things and making messes. But I still felt that if I could just do more than it would be so much better. I was trying it just was not working. It was a trickie pregnancy but we survived.
I felt like I was going in to labor every day for about two weeks before we actually had the baby. I was induced Friday Sept. 21 and I knew well before hand that she would be born that day. I was a more relaxed mom and was able to sleep pretty good the night before. We were seasoned professionals by this time. Once we were all settled in the hospital things really moved fast. I warned my nurse that once I am past 4 centimeters things move really fast and the baby will be out a half hour after that. She was wonderful and listened. I had a mild epidural so I could feel the contraction but got to relax and laugh and talk to Casey. Before long I found myself in those horrible stirrups all propped up ready to push. Eight pushes later and we had another screaming girl. We just savored every moment know that this was the last time we would be handed a new baby fresh from mommy.
She was a healthy little girl weighting 7 lbs and 11ozs and she was 19 inches long. The first thing we learned about her was that she is a screamer! I never had a baby so loud. I thought I had this parenting thing all figured out but to my surprise I felt like I was having to learn how to do just about everything all over again. She was the hardest baby I had ever had. She was so sensitive to everything. Did I mention that she was a screamer. All the noise, NoIsE, NOISE. Casey would always ask what is wrong with her and I just did not know. I think she just liked the sound of her voice or maybe the sound of her voice scared her and made her cry.
She established right away that mommy belonged to her! She hated being held by others witch was ok with me. I had always wanted a clingy baby. Some time it was ridiculous. We were visiting Casey's parents and I had to go potty so I passed her off to Casey, at which point she started crying. I went potty as fast as I could. Washed my hands and came running out of the bathroom. Then Casey then told me I forgot to zip my pants and button them. I just had everything hanging out. I am so awesome.
Our family was not complete!!!!
We enjoyed the rest of our time in Utah and then moved to Texas. Which is where we are now. Perrin just turned 10 and I have some wonderful things to share about him. Penny just turned 7 and she is growing so fast and becoming such a lady. Minnie is 5 and so beautiful. Rue is 2 1/2 and it is a miracle that my house survives another day with her around. I love my kids. I am a lucky mom.
This pregnancy was different because Perry was in school and every one had so many needs. Life was hard. I didn't have time to sleep next to the toilet so I could barf easy. I needed to be up and doing and being a mom. With every day I took comfort that this was the last, Heavenly Father told me so and I was thankful. I felt that Perry was doing worse in school and I could not help him like he needed. Penny needed me to read to her and play with her and I just could not do it. Minnie on the other had was still young enough to demand the attention she needed by getting in to things and making messes. But I still felt that if I could just do more than it would be so much better. I was trying it just was not working. It was a trickie pregnancy but we survived.
I felt like I was going in to labor every day for about two weeks before we actually had the baby. I was induced Friday Sept. 21 and I knew well before hand that she would be born that day. I was a more relaxed mom and was able to sleep pretty good the night before. We were seasoned professionals by this time. Once we were all settled in the hospital things really moved fast. I warned my nurse that once I am past 4 centimeters things move really fast and the baby will be out a half hour after that. She was wonderful and listened. I had a mild epidural so I could feel the contraction but got to relax and laugh and talk to Casey. Before long I found myself in those horrible stirrups all propped up ready to push. Eight pushes later and we had another screaming girl. We just savored every moment know that this was the last time we would be handed a new baby fresh from mommy.
She was a healthy little girl weighting 7 lbs and 11ozs and she was 19 inches long. The first thing we learned about her was that she is a screamer! I never had a baby so loud. I thought I had this parenting thing all figured out but to my surprise I felt like I was having to learn how to do just about everything all over again. She was the hardest baby I had ever had. She was so sensitive to everything. Did I mention that she was a screamer. All the noise, NoIsE, NOISE. Casey would always ask what is wrong with her and I just did not know. I think she just liked the sound of her voice or maybe the sound of her voice scared her and made her cry.
She established right away that mommy belonged to her! She hated being held by others witch was ok with me. I had always wanted a clingy baby. Some time it was ridiculous. We were visiting Casey's parents and I had to go potty so I passed her off to Casey, at which point she started crying. I went potty as fast as I could. Washed my hands and came running out of the bathroom. Then Casey then told me I forgot to zip my pants and button them. I just had everything hanging out. I am so awesome.
Our family was not complete!!!!
We enjoyed the rest of our time in Utah and then moved to Texas. Which is where we are now. Perrin just turned 10 and I have some wonderful things to share about him. Penny just turned 7 and she is growing so fast and becoming such a lady. Minnie is 5 and so beautiful. Rue is 2 1/2 and it is a miracle that my house survives another day with her around. I love my kids. I am a lucky mom.
Life
Some of the happiest times of my life were while we were living in Arizona. We lived close to family, Aunt Debbi and Uncle Kevin. We had a home that was the perfect size for our family and I really loved it. Casey had a great job that was always exciting. We had three beautiful children and everything we needed and so much more. It was a charmed time in my life.
We knew that the military was in control of where we lived and where we would go. We had been stationed there for 3 1/2 years and we thought we would only be there for 2 years. We began to feel so scared of where they would send us. They could send us over seas, which would have been so fun. They could have sent Casey to Korea, not so fun. We felt very vulnerable. Casey began looking at placed where the military needed people and then found a military job in Utah that looked like a to of fun so he applied. Crazy.... much to his surprise he got it. We moved at the beginning of October, one month before Minnie turned one.
The job really was all that! Casey was a computer programmer for the military. He created simulations to help train Air-men. This was an amazing opportunity for us. Casey had been going to school while working on the flight line and had wanted to become a gaming programmer. Now he could finish school while getting experience in the field! How did we get to be so lucky? Heavenly Father was truly looking out for us. I am so amazed that he would do this for us when he has so many people all over the world who need so much.
Once moved and settled in to a house we decided to wait for a while before having another baby. I really enjoyed just being a mom and taking care of my three little sweet hearts. But when Minnie was two I began to get really baby hungry.
We began trying to have a baby and it didn't take long and we were prego! But it was short lived and we lost that baby. We cried and longed for our baby and it was not long and we were ready to try again. I get pregnant so easy, it was only two months and we were pregnant again. This time things were going better.
I was really excited but very apprehensive. I was not getting sick. When I don't get sick I always loose the baby. People kept telling me not to worry maybe I was just getting a nice pregnancy! I tried to relax but I knew in the back of my mind that this would be short lived. Then it happened. Casey was leaving and would be gone on a military assignment for two weeks. The morning he was leaving I began loosing the baby. We cried and prayed together. I knew that Heavenly Father would be there for me and all would be well.
I had so much to do that day so I just kept busy and trusted that Heavenly Father would help me with everything else. I was loosing a lot of blood and I knew that the second day of a miscarriage is usually so much worse for me so at the end of the day I called a friend and asked her if she could watch my kids the next day just in case I had to go in to the hospital. Of course she said she would. She called the Bishop and he called me to see if I needed a blessing or if they could do anything for me. I told him I was fine and not to worry.
That night after the kids were in bed and I was getting ready to go to sleep.....kinda weird but I had the baby. I held this tiny person in my had. I was about 9 or 10 weeks into the pregnancy and I was so surprised what Heavenly Father could do with my body in such a short time. This baby was about 2 inches long. The front of the baby was all mess up but the back was amazing. There was a thin layer of transparent skin. I could see every single vertebra going down its back. I could see the beginnings of a spinal cord. They say that the babys spin extends beyond the body like a tail and it does. It was one of the most incredible experiences of my life. I feel that because I had endured my trials well I was blessed. "After the trial of you faith you will be blessed" -some where in the scriptures.
It took more time to recover from this. Casey did not want to have another child. We both prayed and asked Heavenly Father if he was trying to tell us something. After some fasting and prayer we both felt that we should have "just one more."
We knew that the military was in control of where we lived and where we would go. We had been stationed there for 3 1/2 years and we thought we would only be there for 2 years. We began to feel so scared of where they would send us. They could send us over seas, which would have been so fun. They could have sent Casey to Korea, not so fun. We felt very vulnerable. Casey began looking at placed where the military needed people and then found a military job in Utah that looked like a to of fun so he applied. Crazy.... much to his surprise he got it. We moved at the beginning of October, one month before Minnie turned one.
The job really was all that! Casey was a computer programmer for the military. He created simulations to help train Air-men. This was an amazing opportunity for us. Casey had been going to school while working on the flight line and had wanted to become a gaming programmer. Now he could finish school while getting experience in the field! How did we get to be so lucky? Heavenly Father was truly looking out for us. I am so amazed that he would do this for us when he has so many people all over the world who need so much.
Once moved and settled in to a house we decided to wait for a while before having another baby. I really enjoyed just being a mom and taking care of my three little sweet hearts. But when Minnie was two I began to get really baby hungry.
We began trying to have a baby and it didn't take long and we were prego! But it was short lived and we lost that baby. We cried and longed for our baby and it was not long and we were ready to try again. I get pregnant so easy, it was only two months and we were pregnant again. This time things were going better.
I was really excited but very apprehensive. I was not getting sick. When I don't get sick I always loose the baby. People kept telling me not to worry maybe I was just getting a nice pregnancy! I tried to relax but I knew in the back of my mind that this would be short lived. Then it happened. Casey was leaving and would be gone on a military assignment for two weeks. The morning he was leaving I began loosing the baby. We cried and prayed together. I knew that Heavenly Father would be there for me and all would be well.
I had so much to do that day so I just kept busy and trusted that Heavenly Father would help me with everything else. I was loosing a lot of blood and I knew that the second day of a miscarriage is usually so much worse for me so at the end of the day I called a friend and asked her if she could watch my kids the next day just in case I had to go in to the hospital. Of course she said she would. She called the Bishop and he called me to see if I needed a blessing or if they could do anything for me. I told him I was fine and not to worry.
That night after the kids were in bed and I was getting ready to go to sleep.....kinda weird but I had the baby. I held this tiny person in my had. I was about 9 or 10 weeks into the pregnancy and I was so surprised what Heavenly Father could do with my body in such a short time. This baby was about 2 inches long. The front of the baby was all mess up but the back was amazing. There was a thin layer of transparent skin. I could see every single vertebra going down its back. I could see the beginnings of a spinal cord. They say that the babys spin extends beyond the body like a tail and it does. It was one of the most incredible experiences of my life. I feel that because I had endured my trials well I was blessed. "After the trial of you faith you will be blessed" -some where in the scriptures.
It took more time to recover from this. Casey did not want to have another child. We both prayed and asked Heavenly Father if he was trying to tell us something. After some fasting and prayer we both felt that we should have "just one more."
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Another one!
I love holding babies. After Penny was born I rocked her and sang to her for hours. I loved cuddling her and kissing her and smelling her. I love that soft baby hair and all the tender noises she made. Sometimes when it was time to lay her down for a nap I would rock her to sleep and then I would just sit and rock her some more and before I knew it an hour or two had gone by and she was waking up from her nap. I was really enjoying my baby.
I was also working really hard to get back to prepregnancy weight. I went to the gym every week day and I ran. I would come home so sweaty and nasty. But all that hard work payed of because when she was nine months old I was back down to my weight. I was so happy and so proud! And by the time she was ten months.....Holy Crap I was pregnant.
I was so surprised. I had not missed my period and I was starting to get sick. The first thing I thought was, "I know this sickness, this is morning sickness. How did that happen?"
I confirmed it with a home pregnancy test and then got mentally prepared for another. I was so happy and I wondered how in the world I was going to manage. I really wanted another girl so Penny would have some one to play with. But I also wanted a boy, just because they are so fun.
I spent most of the first part of the pregnancy on the couch or in the bathroom. Morning sickness is so bad for me!
My sister, Larrie and my brother Wiff came to visit me when I was about 18 or 19 weeks in to the pregnancy. They took our other two kids to the zoo while Casey and I went to have an ultra sound done to find out the gender. After we met up at a park. They were trying to drag the new information out of me but I wanted them to work at it. Surprisingly they did not put as much effort into it as I thought they would. When Larrie changed the subject with a comment on a squearl hording nuts I told them that my baby didn't have any nuts. I think that was a great way to share the news of another little girl.
We were thrilled to be having another girl. I was so happy and kept thinking how did I get to be so lucky! I made my self weight until I was 30 weeks before I got out all the girl clothes and cleaned them then looked at each one to make sure it was perfect for our little girl. I packed my suit case at 33 weeks. I was so excited.
I was induced. Everything was very planned. I knew a week in advance that she would be born November 12th. The night before her birth I was so excited I had a hard time going to sleep. At about midnight I was finally falling asleep. Then I was wide awake again because I was having contractions! They were not regular or very strong but I was sure the next one would be really strong so I was awake most of the night. When I got to the hospital the next day they broke my water and 3 1/2 hours later she was born. I had an epidural so I just relaxed through the entire thing. I pushed maybe 10 times. She was 8lbs and 2ozs and 20 inches long. I think it was my easiest delivery and looking back she was my easiest baby. We named her Minnette Rose Ross, we call her Minnie.
She did not cry very often. She was so precious. She was so round and red. I really enjoyed holding her and just having another baby. It is overwhelming to know that Heavenly Father trusted me with this tiny precious person. I felt so lucky. She started sleeping through the night when she was 12 weeks old. She has been my best sleeper.
Minnie is a tender person and sometime she gets lost in the crowd. She is one of the most sensitive people I know. She knows how to stand out when she wants to and she often has the funniest things to say.
After Perry and Penny I was shocked that I could have another child with such a different personality. It was really impressed on my mind how incredible each person in this earth is. Each comes to earth with a different personality. Minnie is so loved I am happy she came to our home.
I was also working really hard to get back to prepregnancy weight. I went to the gym every week day and I ran. I would come home so sweaty and nasty. But all that hard work payed of because when she was nine months old I was back down to my weight. I was so happy and so proud! And by the time she was ten months.....Holy Crap I was pregnant.
I was so surprised. I had not missed my period and I was starting to get sick. The first thing I thought was, "I know this sickness, this is morning sickness. How did that happen?"
I confirmed it with a home pregnancy test and then got mentally prepared for another. I was so happy and I wondered how in the world I was going to manage. I really wanted another girl so Penny would have some one to play with. But I also wanted a boy, just because they are so fun.
I spent most of the first part of the pregnancy on the couch or in the bathroom. Morning sickness is so bad for me!
My sister, Larrie and my brother Wiff came to visit me when I was about 18 or 19 weeks in to the pregnancy. They took our other two kids to the zoo while Casey and I went to have an ultra sound done to find out the gender. After we met up at a park. They were trying to drag the new information out of me but I wanted them to work at it. Surprisingly they did not put as much effort into it as I thought they would. When Larrie changed the subject with a comment on a squearl hording nuts I told them that my baby didn't have any nuts. I think that was a great way to share the news of another little girl.
We were thrilled to be having another girl. I was so happy and kept thinking how did I get to be so lucky! I made my self weight until I was 30 weeks before I got out all the girl clothes and cleaned them then looked at each one to make sure it was perfect for our little girl. I packed my suit case at 33 weeks. I was so excited.
I was induced. Everything was very planned. I knew a week in advance that she would be born November 12th. The night before her birth I was so excited I had a hard time going to sleep. At about midnight I was finally falling asleep. Then I was wide awake again because I was having contractions! They were not regular or very strong but I was sure the next one would be really strong so I was awake most of the night. When I got to the hospital the next day they broke my water and 3 1/2 hours later she was born. I had an epidural so I just relaxed through the entire thing. I pushed maybe 10 times. She was 8lbs and 2ozs and 20 inches long. I think it was my easiest delivery and looking back she was my easiest baby. We named her Minnette Rose Ross, we call her Minnie.
She did not cry very often. She was so precious. She was so round and red. I really enjoyed holding her and just having another baby. It is overwhelming to know that Heavenly Father trusted me with this tiny precious person. I felt so lucky. She started sleeping through the night when she was 12 weeks old. She has been my best sleeper.
Minnie is a tender person and sometime she gets lost in the crowd. She is one of the most sensitive people I know. She knows how to stand out when she wants to and she often has the funniest things to say.
After Perry and Penny I was shocked that I could have another child with such a different personality. It was really impressed on my mind how incredible each person in this earth is. Each comes to earth with a different personality. Minnie is so loved I am happy she came to our home.
Monday, May 11, 2009
The Perry files
I hope you enjoy this stroll down memory lane as I take you through many of the crazy and humorous things that Perrin has done. I think I will start with the story of the baby birds. Early one morning while I was 6 months pregnant with Penny I was laying in bed semi conscious and heard an odd sound. It wasn't to much longer when I realized it must be Perry and I had to get up and see what exactly was happening. As I entered the living room my 2 and 1/2 year old was standing next to an empty egg carton with the last egg in his hand. I raced to him with all the grace of a hippo on roller blades. When I finally got to him I was laying on the floor covered in egg goop and I still missed the last egg. In later years as Casey and I reflected on that awful morning of the egg mess Perry over heard us and said he remember doing that. He also said that he remembered learning about baby birds and felt bad for the baby birdies in those eggs, he was freeing the birdies. I have also learned that it is better to watch the last egg drop than splash through egg slim to try to save it.
Our next tale of misfortune and adventure began before Penny was born. Perry had a bad habit of climbing our chain link fence. It wouldn't have been that bad except we lived in a duplex and he was climbing into our neighbors yard and bouncing on their trampoline and letting out there dog and even going inside there house to watch some cartoons. T.V. must be Better at there house. Lucky for us, our neighbors were our friends and they would return him to us.
Shortly after Penny was born I was sitting on the couch feeding the baby and watching Perry play in the back yard. The Slidding glass door was shut but he was having a good time and could open it if he wanted. Casey was working nights and so he was sleeping back in our back bedroom. I was really enjoying watching Perry, smiling and waving. Soon he decided it was time to climb the fence and visit our neighbors. I began yelling, as I was feeding a baby and could not get up fast enough to stop him. Casey heard my cries and rushed to help. As he ran into the room and discovering the problem he sprinted to the door and ran full speed into the still shut slidding glass door. It scarred Perry enough he never climbed the fence again. Casey and I (more me than he) still get a good chuckle out of that story.
Perry has one great story of true jealousy. I could tell he was feeling a bit left out after Penny was born. So one day when Penny had fallen asleep during dinner I told him as soon as we got the table cleared we would spend time together just the two of us. Just as we nearly finished clearing the table Penny woke from her nap so I had to go get the newborn and give her a quick diaper change. While I was doing this Perry grabbed the honey bear we had just opened and sat down on the couch where he emptied the entire thing on himself and he couch. Our couch absorbed much of the honey and consequently we had to get rid of the couch. I scrubbed that couch but still every time the living room hot to warm honey would seep up.
The last story happened at bath time. Perry had to be 3 or 3 and 1/2 I had just put him in the bath and he was doing good. I went to go do something, bad idea despite him being big enough, When I got back he had emptied 4 containers of kids shampoo (I had gone to Costco) and one kids conditioner into the 3 to 4 inches of water in his bath. He was so slimmy. What a mess and what a waste. He was happy and really enjoyed his slimmy bath.
To all you parents or to those who will be parents, don't get angry when your child does something bad. Look for the creativity in there destruction and enjoy the mess. It is more fun to clean up while smiling and trying to understand what they were doing than to clean up all angry because they weren't acting like an adult.
Our next tale of misfortune and adventure began before Penny was born. Perry had a bad habit of climbing our chain link fence. It wouldn't have been that bad except we lived in a duplex and he was climbing into our neighbors yard and bouncing on their trampoline and letting out there dog and even going inside there house to watch some cartoons. T.V. must be Better at there house. Lucky for us, our neighbors were our friends and they would return him to us.
Shortly after Penny was born I was sitting on the couch feeding the baby and watching Perry play in the back yard. The Slidding glass door was shut but he was having a good time and could open it if he wanted. Casey was working nights and so he was sleeping back in our back bedroom. I was really enjoying watching Perry, smiling and waving. Soon he decided it was time to climb the fence and visit our neighbors. I began yelling, as I was feeding a baby and could not get up fast enough to stop him. Casey heard my cries and rushed to help. As he ran into the room and discovering the problem he sprinted to the door and ran full speed into the still shut slidding glass door. It scarred Perry enough he never climbed the fence again. Casey and I (more me than he) still get a good chuckle out of that story.
Perry has one great story of true jealousy. I could tell he was feeling a bit left out after Penny was born. So one day when Penny had fallen asleep during dinner I told him as soon as we got the table cleared we would spend time together just the two of us. Just as we nearly finished clearing the table Penny woke from her nap so I had to go get the newborn and give her a quick diaper change. While I was doing this Perry grabbed the honey bear we had just opened and sat down on the couch where he emptied the entire thing on himself and he couch. Our couch absorbed much of the honey and consequently we had to get rid of the couch. I scrubbed that couch but still every time the living room hot to warm honey would seep up.
The last story happened at bath time. Perry had to be 3 or 3 and 1/2 I had just put him in the bath and he was doing good. I went to go do something, bad idea despite him being big enough, When I got back he had emptied 4 containers of kids shampoo (I had gone to Costco) and one kids conditioner into the 3 to 4 inches of water in his bath. He was so slimmy. What a mess and what a waste. He was happy and really enjoyed his slimmy bath.
To all you parents or to those who will be parents, don't get angry when your child does something bad. Look for the creativity in there destruction and enjoy the mess. It is more fun to clean up while smiling and trying to understand what they were doing than to clean up all angry because they weren't acting like an adult.
Thursday, March 5, 2009
I need a baby!
After loosing Ligaya I felt so empty. My arms physically ached for a baby, so, with a deep breath we jumped in again. Soon I had morning sickness again and I was sick of being sick. I felt it was so unfair that I would have to go through again. I did all the work and I should have a baby! I knew that the baby would not be a replacement and I didn't want that, I wanted my baby.
Needless to say the pregnancy felt long and emotional. I clearly remember the day we got an ultra sound and found out we were having a girl. I almost started crying right there in the office. I was so afraid that she would die because she was a girl. I was scared I would have to go through the same thing again.
I was watched very closely by my doctor. I went in for not stress test for the baby bi-weekly during the last 6 weeks. They would do an ultra sound to measure the fluid around the baby and then the would have me do kick counts and monitor how many contraction if any I was having. I wanted to have the baby so bad. I felt like my body kills babies, She will have a better chance if she just comes out early. I would get my hopes up every time that they would say, "O.K. you need to get this baby out."
They never did and my doctor was patient very too. I began to feel like I would be prego forever. One day at a non stress test the nurse told me that the water level around the baby was much lower than it was earlier in the week and I needed to tell my doctor. I was not due for a few weeks so I thought, "He won't care." My brother in law, Donny, had just gotten home from his mission in Russia and was coming to visit. He was scheduled to arrive that evening. So when I go home I began making bread and a batch of my famous cinnamon rolls. While the bread was rising I called my doctor to let him know what the nurse said. He told me he wanted to see me. CRAP my bread! Well maybe I could make it fast and be back in time to put it in the oven.
Once at the doctor's office he checked me and told me to go directly to the hospital that baby need to come out. Apparently the lack of fluid made him nervous. Back to the hospital! I had to be induced and I was very excited. They got me going and everything went smoothly. Eventually I wanted an epidural but by then it was to late. A few contractions later it was time to push. My doctor was not there but I had nothing to stop the pain and when I realized that the pain went away when I pushed there was no stopping me. The nurse did a great job of catching and together we did it!
My nurse laid a beautiful screaming baby girl on me with a towel. I began rubbing her dry and enjoyed how she moved and screamed. The soon took her and cleaned her up. They brought her back and we fed her. She was disappointed that milk did not just flow into her mouth but after a bit she was content. I couldn't have been happier. I got to put my finger in her hand while those tiny finger curled around mine. I got to touch her soft head and smell that sweet baby smell. All of this one year and 2 weeks after we lost Ligaya. It was wonderful. I had a baby and she was healthy.
We named her Penelope Belle Ross. She filled our lives with joy. Poor Perry felt left out but he would fix that. And that is fotter for my next entry!
The most surprising thing for me was that my arms still physically ached to hold Ligaya and they still do. Even if I am cuddling one of my babies. I think they always will until that beautiful day when I get her back.
Needless to say the pregnancy felt long and emotional. I clearly remember the day we got an ultra sound and found out we were having a girl. I almost started crying right there in the office. I was so afraid that she would die because she was a girl. I was scared I would have to go through the same thing again.
I was watched very closely by my doctor. I went in for not stress test for the baby bi-weekly during the last 6 weeks. They would do an ultra sound to measure the fluid around the baby and then the would have me do kick counts and monitor how many contraction if any I was having. I wanted to have the baby so bad. I felt like my body kills babies, She will have a better chance if she just comes out early. I would get my hopes up every time that they would say, "O.K. you need to get this baby out."
They never did and my doctor was patient very too. I began to feel like I would be prego forever. One day at a non stress test the nurse told me that the water level around the baby was much lower than it was earlier in the week and I needed to tell my doctor. I was not due for a few weeks so I thought, "He won't care." My brother in law, Donny, had just gotten home from his mission in Russia and was coming to visit. He was scheduled to arrive that evening. So when I go home I began making bread and a batch of my famous cinnamon rolls. While the bread was rising I called my doctor to let him know what the nurse said. He told me he wanted to see me. CRAP my bread! Well maybe I could make it fast and be back in time to put it in the oven.
Once at the doctor's office he checked me and told me to go directly to the hospital that baby need to come out. Apparently the lack of fluid made him nervous. Back to the hospital! I had to be induced and I was very excited. They got me going and everything went smoothly. Eventually I wanted an epidural but by then it was to late. A few contractions later it was time to push. My doctor was not there but I had nothing to stop the pain and when I realized that the pain went away when I pushed there was no stopping me. The nurse did a great job of catching and together we did it!
My nurse laid a beautiful screaming baby girl on me with a towel. I began rubbing her dry and enjoyed how she moved and screamed. The soon took her and cleaned her up. They brought her back and we fed her. She was disappointed that milk did not just flow into her mouth but after a bit she was content. I couldn't have been happier. I got to put my finger in her hand while those tiny finger curled around mine. I got to touch her soft head and smell that sweet baby smell. All of this one year and 2 weeks after we lost Ligaya. It was wonderful. I had a baby and she was healthy.
We named her Penelope Belle Ross. She filled our lives with joy. Poor Perry felt left out but he would fix that. And that is fotter for my next entry!
The most surprising thing for me was that my arms still physically ached to hold Ligaya and they still do. Even if I am cuddling one of my babies. I think they always will until that beautiful day when I get her back.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Ligaya
Casey and I got to live in Biloxi Mississippi. I was so excited. It was so different from anything I had ever experienced. I loved it. I loved how warm it is, and the blunt friendly people. I made several friends both with in our religion and out in the real world. We were so happy. We were only making about 12oo a month, but we had enough to get by and we were together.
Wiff my brother and Larrie, my sister drove our car from Washington down to us in Mississippi. Poor Wiff fell asleep about 3 hours from our house and totaled the car. No one was hurt but Wiff felt so bad. You could tell just by looking at him. Poor guy. Casey and I were ok with that. The car was a having problems with the transmission and we were glad to be rid of it.
We had such fun exploring Biloxi with my brother and sister. I got a major sunburn. I blistered, and scared. It only took a couple of hours on the beach to kill the flesh on my back. We walked every where and Larrie took tons of pic. I will have to find some to show off.
After they went home and we took inventory of our lives we decided to take advantage of our free medical and have another baby. So we got pregnant. I had high hopes that I would not be sick this time. Wrong. I should have gotten help but you had to take a prenatal class to see a doctor and they held them at 8:00am. I thought, " How in the world can I walk to the hospital in the hot sun with Perry and sit through some stupid class that teaches me how to be pregnant. There isn't a barf bucket big enough for that." So I never went. I decided I would wait till we moved and get a doctor then.
We got orders to move to Arizona only 2 weeks before we moved. I was so happy. My aunt and uncle live in Tucson and that was where we were headed. Casey was a little apprehensive, until we got there. Then he saw how beautiful and green and mountainous it is. He fell in love with it to.
I got a calling at church, I was the Beehive adviser. I loved it. I got to work with another pregnant lady, she was due a month before me. Her name is Marilyn. I just love her. We worked together really well.
I loved living near Aunt Debi and Uncle Kevin. They are one of the best things that ever happened to our family. From the moment we got there they treated us like one of their own kids. I love them so much. They are like another set of parents to me.
After we got settled in I got a doctor. Dr. Gershwire was an older doctor. He had gray hair and glasses. He is not very tall and he is very business like. He always wore a button up shirt, tie, and slacks under his white long doctor coat. I was 25 weeks pregnant and so I didn't exactly choose him, he was the only doctor I called who didn't have so many patients having babies the same time as me so he could take me on. I only had two visits then we started the visits every two weeks.
I was almost 38 weeks when I was suppose to go to a young women's activity. Marilyn was having her baby that day so I really needed to be there. I had made pies for the event and Casey had left for work so I was ready. However I really didn't feel well. I decided to call the Y. W. president and tell her I couldn't make it. Then I called my mom.
We were talking about baby and pregnancy stuff. I asked her if her water ever broke when she was pregnant with us. She told me it had and what it was like. After a few more minutes of conversation I realized my water broke. So I got off the phone with her and Called Casey. Then called Aunt Debi so she could watch Perry. I would call her when we got to the hospital so she could meet us there.
I went to the bathroom and realized I was bleeding. I didn't think to much of it, a little bleeding is normal. I just put on a pad mostly to catch all the amniotic fluid. Then the first contraction hit me. Wow, there are not words to express that kind of pain and fear. I was alone with my son, who was only 20 months old. I grabbed the bed post and held on. It lasted a little over a minute and it started about 5 minutes after my water broke. I decided I needed to get everything gathered up so when Casey got home we could just go. I went to the laundry area in our apartment because I had started a load earlier that day. My neighbor that lived above me was a police officer and he was in the laundry area too. I should have asked for help but I didn't want to impose. I had a feeling something was not right. I had another contraction or two before I went to get the laundry and felt gushing. I had to change my pad every 10 to 15 minutes. It was a big overnight pad and it was filling up with blood. I just knew everything was going to be ok.
You may think I am stupid for not doing something but I had a calm feeling. I knew everything was going to be ok. I could feel Heavenly Father angels all around me, helping me through each contraction. As I look back I know Heavenly Father just needed her back and He wanted it to be the easiest for me. I know I couldn't have found out my baby was dead without my husband by my side. I would have lost control. I draw such strength from him.
Well back to my story. I was about to call Casey again because it had been nearly an hour sense I had called him to come home. He had run into some difficulties getting out of work. Gotta love the military. I had everything ready to load in the car and Casey walked in the door. He said, "Is it time!"
"YES!" I responded.
"Let me change out of my uniform."
NO, WE NEED TO GO NOW!"
The contractions had gotten to be about 3 minutes apart and they had the power to totally knock me off my feet.
We got to the hospital as fast as we could and they got us in fast. My aunt showed up and took Perry so Casey and I could relax and have a baby. I was so excited. Soon I would find out if we were having a boy or a girl. Soon we would see what this precious baby looked like. I couldn't wait to feel that soft head and have her little fingers wrap around my finger. I looked forward to breastfeeding my new bundle of joy.
They hooked me up to the monitors to see my contractions and get the baby's heart beat. They couldn't find the heart beat. The nurse told me not to worry, the babies sometimes hide. Worry, who was worried. I was with Casey at the hospital safe, nothing could go wrong.
Next they had an ultra sound done. The heart beat is very obvious and easy to see on the scream. I will never forget what that tall slim gray haired man said, "Sorry folks, but you baby died."
I screamed out like my heart had been ripped from chest. I had never experienced the loss of a loved one let alone one of my children. It was more than I could bare. Casey held me and we cried together. I cried though a contraction and that was the most pain full contraction of my life. I had to pull myself together. There would be lots of time to cry later, now I had a big job to do that required all of my attention. I told Casey we had to keep it together so we could get the baby out.
They moved us to a better room and began to prepare for the birth of a baby. I kept cracking jokes to keep from breaking down. I got the best nurse, she was so good at helping me. I remember thinking I have hours of labor and no baby at the end. I pushed that thought out of my mind and asked for and epidural.
While they were getting me set up of my epidural I started to shake. I could control myself and the doctor said he needed to check to see how dilated I was. I told him no I was having a contraction now was not good and he could check back in a minute or so. He said," No we are doing this now."
Doctors can be very persuasive. Before I new it I was in a similar position as the one that got me pregnant in the first place. He called out, "she is 8, 9, ...10. She is fully dilated and ready to go. Megan push."
" No my epidural is not working yet."
Again doctors can be very persuasive. Six pushes later and she was born.
We had a girl. One of the most beautiful girls I have ever seen was laying in my arms. She was limp and totally lifeless. I put my finger in her had and pleaded within myself," please prove them wrong and squeeze my finger." I touched her soft head. I held her and rocked her and loved her. Then I let Casey hold his daughter. She looked so tiny in his strong hands. He kissed her tenderly on the head and told her how beautiful she was. We enjoyed her for a few minutes and a nurse came in and asked if she could clean her up a bit, take her picture, and get her length and weight. I was excited to see how she measured up so they took her with a promise to bring her back.
Then we had the daunting task of calling our parents. I called my mom first. She was so excited when she answered, wanting to know if it was a boy or a girl. I told her it was a girl and then began to cry. She asked what was happening in that scarred tone I so rarely hear. I told her that the baby died and began to cry. I heard her tell my father what had happened. After a few comforting words I told them goodbye so Casey cold call his parents. Casey was so strong he called his parents and our bishop.
Then we waited in silence, feeling that words were not appropriate at this time. We didn't wait long and our baby was back. 19 1/2 inches long and 6lb 8oz. So tiny and so sweet. I had realized in her absence that I didn't feel those tiny heals that had been kicking me and hurting my for months now. I had to feel how pointie they were. So I unbundled her feet and reached in to feel her heals. Oh no, she was getting cold, my precious baby was getting cold. I knew there was no hope of a miracle then. I couldn't bare the thought of her getting cold. I knew I had to say my goodbyes and be done. There was nothing I could do to keep her warm.
We gave her lovins and let her go.
**It has been just over 7 years now and as I look back on the weeks month and even years that followed they were the hardest of my life. Marylin had a baby boy the same day as me and she became such a strength to me during those first difficult months. She listened to me tell what happened again and again as I worked through my emotions. I learned that you can be there for a friend no matter how uncomfortable the circumstance. I also learned that even if you can do no more that cry with someone you are helping to bare the burden of grief.
I am so sorry is was such a sad thing to read. I needed to get it off my chest. I hope to turn my blog into a place I can sit down to a couple times a day and tell you all funny things my kids do and share all my happiness. I just gotta get out the sad stuff first. Thanks for sharing my grief.
Wiff my brother and Larrie, my sister drove our car from Washington down to us in Mississippi. Poor Wiff fell asleep about 3 hours from our house and totaled the car. No one was hurt but Wiff felt so bad. You could tell just by looking at him. Poor guy. Casey and I were ok with that. The car was a having problems with the transmission and we were glad to be rid of it.
We had such fun exploring Biloxi with my brother and sister. I got a major sunburn. I blistered, and scared. It only took a couple of hours on the beach to kill the flesh on my back. We walked every where and Larrie took tons of pic. I will have to find some to show off.
After they went home and we took inventory of our lives we decided to take advantage of our free medical and have another baby. So we got pregnant. I had high hopes that I would not be sick this time. Wrong. I should have gotten help but you had to take a prenatal class to see a doctor and they held them at 8:00am. I thought, " How in the world can I walk to the hospital in the hot sun with Perry and sit through some stupid class that teaches me how to be pregnant. There isn't a barf bucket big enough for that." So I never went. I decided I would wait till we moved and get a doctor then.
We got orders to move to Arizona only 2 weeks before we moved. I was so happy. My aunt and uncle live in Tucson and that was where we were headed. Casey was a little apprehensive, until we got there. Then he saw how beautiful and green and mountainous it is. He fell in love with it to.
I got a calling at church, I was the Beehive adviser. I loved it. I got to work with another pregnant lady, she was due a month before me. Her name is Marilyn. I just love her. We worked together really well.
I loved living near Aunt Debi and Uncle Kevin. They are one of the best things that ever happened to our family. From the moment we got there they treated us like one of their own kids. I love them so much. They are like another set of parents to me.
After we got settled in I got a doctor. Dr. Gershwire was an older doctor. He had gray hair and glasses. He is not very tall and he is very business like. He always wore a button up shirt, tie, and slacks under his white long doctor coat. I was 25 weeks pregnant and so I didn't exactly choose him, he was the only doctor I called who didn't have so many patients having babies the same time as me so he could take me on. I only had two visits then we started the visits every two weeks.
I was almost 38 weeks when I was suppose to go to a young women's activity. Marilyn was having her baby that day so I really needed to be there. I had made pies for the event and Casey had left for work so I was ready. However I really didn't feel well. I decided to call the Y. W. president and tell her I couldn't make it. Then I called my mom.
We were talking about baby and pregnancy stuff. I asked her if her water ever broke when she was pregnant with us. She told me it had and what it was like. After a few more minutes of conversation I realized my water broke. So I got off the phone with her and Called Casey. Then called Aunt Debi so she could watch Perry. I would call her when we got to the hospital so she could meet us there.
I went to the bathroom and realized I was bleeding. I didn't think to much of it, a little bleeding is normal. I just put on a pad mostly to catch all the amniotic fluid. Then the first contraction hit me. Wow, there are not words to express that kind of pain and fear. I was alone with my son, who was only 20 months old. I grabbed the bed post and held on. It lasted a little over a minute and it started about 5 minutes after my water broke. I decided I needed to get everything gathered up so when Casey got home we could just go. I went to the laundry area in our apartment because I had started a load earlier that day. My neighbor that lived above me was a police officer and he was in the laundry area too. I should have asked for help but I didn't want to impose. I had a feeling something was not right. I had another contraction or two before I went to get the laundry and felt gushing. I had to change my pad every 10 to 15 minutes. It was a big overnight pad and it was filling up with blood. I just knew everything was going to be ok.
You may think I am stupid for not doing something but I had a calm feeling. I knew everything was going to be ok. I could feel Heavenly Father angels all around me, helping me through each contraction. As I look back I know Heavenly Father just needed her back and He wanted it to be the easiest for me. I know I couldn't have found out my baby was dead without my husband by my side. I would have lost control. I draw such strength from him.
Well back to my story. I was about to call Casey again because it had been nearly an hour sense I had called him to come home. He had run into some difficulties getting out of work. Gotta love the military. I had everything ready to load in the car and Casey walked in the door. He said, "Is it time!"
"YES!" I responded.
"Let me change out of my uniform."
NO, WE NEED TO GO NOW!"
The contractions had gotten to be about 3 minutes apart and they had the power to totally knock me off my feet.
We got to the hospital as fast as we could and they got us in fast. My aunt showed up and took Perry so Casey and I could relax and have a baby. I was so excited. Soon I would find out if we were having a boy or a girl. Soon we would see what this precious baby looked like. I couldn't wait to feel that soft head and have her little fingers wrap around my finger. I looked forward to breastfeeding my new bundle of joy.
They hooked me up to the monitors to see my contractions and get the baby's heart beat. They couldn't find the heart beat. The nurse told me not to worry, the babies sometimes hide. Worry, who was worried. I was with Casey at the hospital safe, nothing could go wrong.
Next they had an ultra sound done. The heart beat is very obvious and easy to see on the scream. I will never forget what that tall slim gray haired man said, "Sorry folks, but you baby died."
I screamed out like my heart had been ripped from chest. I had never experienced the loss of a loved one let alone one of my children. It was more than I could bare. Casey held me and we cried together. I cried though a contraction and that was the most pain full contraction of my life. I had to pull myself together. There would be lots of time to cry later, now I had a big job to do that required all of my attention. I told Casey we had to keep it together so we could get the baby out.
They moved us to a better room and began to prepare for the birth of a baby. I kept cracking jokes to keep from breaking down. I got the best nurse, she was so good at helping me. I remember thinking I have hours of labor and no baby at the end. I pushed that thought out of my mind and asked for and epidural.
While they were getting me set up of my epidural I started to shake. I could control myself and the doctor said he needed to check to see how dilated I was. I told him no I was having a contraction now was not good and he could check back in a minute or so. He said," No we are doing this now."
Doctors can be very persuasive. Before I new it I was in a similar position as the one that got me pregnant in the first place. He called out, "she is 8, 9, ...10. She is fully dilated and ready to go. Megan push."
" No my epidural is not working yet."
Again doctors can be very persuasive. Six pushes later and she was born.
We had a girl. One of the most beautiful girls I have ever seen was laying in my arms. She was limp and totally lifeless. I put my finger in her had and pleaded within myself," please prove them wrong and squeeze my finger." I touched her soft head. I held her and rocked her and loved her. Then I let Casey hold his daughter. She looked so tiny in his strong hands. He kissed her tenderly on the head and told her how beautiful she was. We enjoyed her for a few minutes and a nurse came in and asked if she could clean her up a bit, take her picture, and get her length and weight. I was excited to see how she measured up so they took her with a promise to bring her back.
Then we had the daunting task of calling our parents. I called my mom first. She was so excited when she answered, wanting to know if it was a boy or a girl. I told her it was a girl and then began to cry. She asked what was happening in that scarred tone I so rarely hear. I told her that the baby died and began to cry. I heard her tell my father what had happened. After a few comforting words I told them goodbye so Casey cold call his parents. Casey was so strong he called his parents and our bishop.
Then we waited in silence, feeling that words were not appropriate at this time. We didn't wait long and our baby was back. 19 1/2 inches long and 6lb 8oz. So tiny and so sweet. I had realized in her absence that I didn't feel those tiny heals that had been kicking me and hurting my for months now. I had to feel how pointie they were. So I unbundled her feet and reached in to feel her heals. Oh no, she was getting cold, my precious baby was getting cold. I knew there was no hope of a miracle then. I couldn't bare the thought of her getting cold. I knew I had to say my goodbyes and be done. There was nothing I could do to keep her warm.
We gave her lovins and let her go.
**It has been just over 7 years now and as I look back on the weeks month and even years that followed they were the hardest of my life. Marylin had a baby boy the same day as me and she became such a strength to me during those first difficult months. She listened to me tell what happened again and again as I worked through my emotions. I learned that you can be there for a friend no matter how uncomfortable the circumstance. I also learned that even if you can do no more that cry with someone you are helping to bare the burden of grief.
I am so sorry is was such a sad thing to read. I needed to get it off my chest. I hope to turn my blog into a place I can sit down to a couple times a day and tell you all funny things my kids do and share all my happiness. I just gotta get out the sad stuff first. Thanks for sharing my grief.
Friday, January 2, 2009
Getting to know you, Getting to know all about you!
Casey and I have know each other all our lives. Our parents are close friends, in fact when Casey's mom, Shelley, went back to school when Casey was 3 my mom baby sat him. I was only 2 weeks old at the time. Casey was born one year to the day before my older sister so everyone naturally thought they would make a great couple. We are LDS so Casey served a mission in the Philippians for the standard 2 years. While he was gone Larrie, my older sister, got married, dashing every one's hopes of joining our two families.
I went over to see Casey the day after he got home from his mission. It was October 30th of 1998. I remember walking into his parents home and seeing him sitting on the couch and something about him had changed. I had never been the least bit attracted to him before but before now I had never seen a man look so appealing. I wanted to be with him forever and I needed to make him feel the same. Lucky for me it didn't take much convincing. We got married about 6 months later on his birthday April 24th 1999. I graduated from High School one month later and we found out we were pregnant one month after that. It may sound like I rushed in with out much thought. NOT TRUE.
I wrestled and wrestled with the decision to marrie so young. I prayed every chance I got for weeks. You see, at some point in our dating Casey sat me down and said, "I love you." I was shocked and only said, "Oh ok." Poor guy. I realized at that moment that if I didn't feel that he was the man for me than I was just leading him on and needed to end our relationship. So I began praying and fasting and soul searching. It was one of the hardest times in my life. It had to be right for me to continue. I couldn't marrie him and later decided it was all wrong and then divorce him. I needed to be fully committed or not at all. No half heartedness.
Well it was right. It was the smartest thing I have ever done. After that decision I have never had to look back, I have never had to question. It is right and everything is perfect. Or as perfect as a real relationship can be.
My wedding day is such a blur. I had already made the decision and I was so scared. I just decided to stop thinking and let everyone else take care of me. This was a wise choice. I felt secure knowing that Casey would take care of me for the rest of my life and clear through eternity.
Getting pregnant with Perrin was a little alarming. I was surprised that it was that easy. I kept thinking, "Wow it worked?" This feeling soon gave way to panic. How could I be a mom I was only barely 19 and really immature. Casey was my comfort. He told me Heavenly Father would never send a child to a family if he new that this family couldn't give him the tools needed to return and live with him again. I often reflected on this especially when I could feel the panic begin to rise.
Soon I panic was the least of my concerns. Morning sickness had begun. Man was I sick. I went in for countless IV's and one over night stay. I lost nearly 20lbs in just a few months. I just couldn't keep anything down. In the middle of all this Casey and I moved to Bremerton Washington. Casey was going to school in Seattle. Some how I survived the pregnancy and Perry was born March 27th at 4:58 PM.
The day before was Sunday and Casey and I decided to skip church. I was not feeling well and we wanted to spend time together before the baby was born. That night I could tell Labor had began. It was so exciting. Casey read to me while we lay in bed. He would stop and help me through each contraction. When I was no longer smiling then he decided it was time to go.
We arrive at the hospital already dialated to a three. Barely enough to stay. But stay we did. They gave me something so I could sleep but it just about stopped labor. Any way Perry was born the next day.
I was so tired after he arrived that I went to sleep. I remember the rushed him out because he was so blue and not breathing well. I knew he would be fine and I knew Casey would take care of him. I woke up and Casey was holding him. Casey got to hold him first. I think that is appropriate considering that is his only boy. Soon he handed him to me and I fed him and he loved it. He took to breast feeding really well. We were like a couple of old pros.
Soon after he was born we moved back to the other side of the state to recover form our financial mess up while Casey was attending school. It didn't take long to realize that we couldn't go to school the way we were trying to. We had to come up with a new game plan. Casey is such a good man. He took several odd jobs trying to keep us a float. Next Casey joined the Air Force.
I went over to see Casey the day after he got home from his mission. It was October 30th of 1998. I remember walking into his parents home and seeing him sitting on the couch and something about him had changed. I had never been the least bit attracted to him before but before now I had never seen a man look so appealing. I wanted to be with him forever and I needed to make him feel the same. Lucky for me it didn't take much convincing. We got married about 6 months later on his birthday April 24th 1999. I graduated from High School one month later and we found out we were pregnant one month after that. It may sound like I rushed in with out much thought. NOT TRUE.
I wrestled and wrestled with the decision to marrie so young. I prayed every chance I got for weeks. You see, at some point in our dating Casey sat me down and said, "I love you." I was shocked and only said, "Oh ok." Poor guy. I realized at that moment that if I didn't feel that he was the man for me than I was just leading him on and needed to end our relationship. So I began praying and fasting and soul searching. It was one of the hardest times in my life. It had to be right for me to continue. I couldn't marrie him and later decided it was all wrong and then divorce him. I needed to be fully committed or not at all. No half heartedness.
Well it was right. It was the smartest thing I have ever done. After that decision I have never had to look back, I have never had to question. It is right and everything is perfect. Or as perfect as a real relationship can be.
My wedding day is such a blur. I had already made the decision and I was so scared. I just decided to stop thinking and let everyone else take care of me. This was a wise choice. I felt secure knowing that Casey would take care of me for the rest of my life and clear through eternity.
Getting pregnant with Perrin was a little alarming. I was surprised that it was that easy. I kept thinking, "Wow it worked?" This feeling soon gave way to panic. How could I be a mom I was only barely 19 and really immature. Casey was my comfort. He told me Heavenly Father would never send a child to a family if he new that this family couldn't give him the tools needed to return and live with him again. I often reflected on this especially when I could feel the panic begin to rise.
Soon I panic was the least of my concerns. Morning sickness had begun. Man was I sick. I went in for countless IV's and one over night stay. I lost nearly 20lbs in just a few months. I just couldn't keep anything down. In the middle of all this Casey and I moved to Bremerton Washington. Casey was going to school in Seattle. Some how I survived the pregnancy and Perry was born March 27th at 4:58 PM.
The day before was Sunday and Casey and I decided to skip church. I was not feeling well and we wanted to spend time together before the baby was born. That night I could tell Labor had began. It was so exciting. Casey read to me while we lay in bed. He would stop and help me through each contraction. When I was no longer smiling then he decided it was time to go.
We arrive at the hospital already dialated to a three. Barely enough to stay. But stay we did. They gave me something so I could sleep but it just about stopped labor. Any way Perry was born the next day.
I was so tired after he arrived that I went to sleep. I remember the rushed him out because he was so blue and not breathing well. I knew he would be fine and I knew Casey would take care of him. I woke up and Casey was holding him. Casey got to hold him first. I think that is appropriate considering that is his only boy. Soon he handed him to me and I fed him and he loved it. He took to breast feeding really well. We were like a couple of old pros.
Soon after he was born we moved back to the other side of the state to recover form our financial mess up while Casey was attending school. It didn't take long to realize that we couldn't go to school the way we were trying to. We had to come up with a new game plan. Casey is such a good man. He took several odd jobs trying to keep us a float. Next Casey joined the Air Force.
Monday, December 29, 2008
Where to start?
Since this is a family blog I guess we will begin with introductions. Everything will be from my point of view, I am Megan, wife and mother. The other characters in my tale are Casey, Husband and father, he is the brains of the operation and my best friend. He is the one person I know I can always count on no matter what. I do love that man! Next we have Perry, otherwise known as Perrin. He is our only son and he is such a great kid. He is super loving, of all the people I have met he is the one person if left alone on an island the solitude would kill him first. He must have a friend and he makes a great friend. Our first girl is Ligaya also know as LiLi. She died while I was giving birth. I will one day tell the full story, it will have to be a strong day. Penny or Penelope Belle is our girlie girl. Pink or purple if she has to. She is a people pleaser. She also loves it when people are proud of her. She is so cute and very good. Minnie or Minnette Rose, is trying to shine all the time, or at least be noticed. She is so good at pulling on my heart strings. She is also good at getting my attention. Her methods are questionable and make me feel like I need to be a better mom. Last but never left behind is our little Rue, perhaps better known as Inessa. She love kissing, songs that involve moving, ie ring around the rosies, popcorn popping, Book of Mormon stories, ect....., and running away when she is getting her dipper changed, if she is naked it is so much funner. She is also clingy. Mom is the most important person in the world to her, however Dad has been edging me out recently. Well that is every one, all of the major player are listed here. I hope you enjoy our family and our journey through this life.
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